In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
3pm strippers are depressing
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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