last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
