Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Can I color on your dick again?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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