So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
