I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
