the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
