Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
how drunk are you?
Several
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
