first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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