How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Randomize
