Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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