i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
