Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
