It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Randomize
