Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
