My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
My underwear smells like fireworks.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
