I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
