I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
