2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
