During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
