he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
