One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
