Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
