And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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