covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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