just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I have fence marks all over my body
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
