Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
