Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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