I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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