Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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