My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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