his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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