So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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