Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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