So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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