why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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