I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
