i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I would fuck him just for his dog
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
