just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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