Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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