Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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