so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
