I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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