And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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