Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
