In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
