John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
