i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
