Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
