he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize