Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
