I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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